Yogi Bowling

 

I was only half kidding when I looked around the classroom today in yoga class and asked the instructor, "Did everyone hear that we were going to be doing some horrible poses today and that's why so few of us showed up?"  It was more likely because it was Columbus Day but then again......

After some warm-up breaths and Chandra Namaskara 1, or Salutation to the Moon, our instructor told us that we were going to be working today on balance poses.  Oh, oh!  Am I a klutz?  Yes!  Am I balanced?  Not on your life!

First she had us doing Warrior 3.  You get into Warrior pose, bend forward over the front leg, stick the other leg out behind you and put your arms straight out in front of you.  We tried it on our mats first.  Whoops, I was listing like an unstable Tower of Pisa and wham, I started to go over but made a remarkable recovery if I do say so myself, even if it DID involve some flapping of my arms and several circles to get myself back on the mat.

"Everyone take a block and put it next to a wall," our instructor suggested.  "Now put your foot right up along the wall and touching the block.  When you go into your Warrior Pose and then extend your leg, you can just hug the wall and focus on that block."

There was only one problem.  My foot couldn't be placed alongside the wall because I had about 8 inches of hip holding me away from the wall.  I think what I REALLY needed was a ballet barre placed directly in front of me.  Oy!

Next was the "Half Moon" pose.  Oh, my......if it only involved pulling my britches down a bit, that would be a piece of cake.  But no.....you have to form a triangle again with one leg up, one arm down on the mat, and one arm pointing skyward.  Sure.  This time around, when I lost my balance, I almost knocked over my neighbor.  I felt like I was bowling with my body.

"Why don't we all go into the Child's Pose and take some calming breaths," our teacher suggested.  Sounded good to me.

"Is there anything we should be doing if we stand up and the room is whirling and we're light-headed," a classmate asked, looking a little green around the gills.

"Oh, my," said our instructor.  "Definitely stay down on the mat.  I'd hate for you to pass out."
Since we were all down on the mat by now, we went into some back bend poses, the Bow Pose, and the Camel Pose.  No way could I reach my ankles or feet on that last pose so I just kept my hands on the small of my back.


Then we got to do some twists.  We did one called "Half Lord of the Fishes" and it didn't feel too bad in the modified version with one leg bent and placed on the outer edge of your other leg's thigh.  But when she suggested we try bending that other leg and putting the foot up against our bottom, well, forget it.  It wasn't happening.  I went back to the modified version.  Image via Wikipedia


"Now to increase the stretch, you can place your forearm on the outside of the bent knee.  If you can't do that, just hold your knee," our teacher demonstrated. Believe me, I was holding that knee for all she was worth.  I snuck a glance over at my friend.  Darn, not only was she able to bend both of her legs, but she also had her arm on the outside of the leg AND she was doing some sort of Buddha thing with her hand.  It looked quite Zen.  On the other hand, I was doing the "white-knuckle" thing with my hand.  It didn't look Zen but it did look stable.

Next week is our last class before she turns us loose on other teachers.  We'll be doing a Vinyasa Flow class (I'm hoping it will be greatly modified for beginners) and then she'll tell us about all the different classes available at the center.  Believe it or not, I'm looking forward to the class AND I'm definitely planning to find another class to join to continue my yoga journey.  I would imagine if our instructor is a praying woman, she is praying it won't be one of hers.

Related articles

• Breathe Deep: Apartment Yoga (mynewplace.com)

Om, My Aching Knees!

It's another week and another yoga class.  The weather has turned cold here in Pennsylvania and my joints have been letting me know it.  So I wasn't exactly striding exuberantly into class today.  It was more a subdued shuffle.  Ouch!  Maybe some stretching and gentle posturing would help.

Our new "breath" today was one for warming you up.  Our teacher told us not to try it if we had sinus problems or were prone to hot flashes.  Hmmm, I'm the Queen of "flashes" and if my sinuses could be tried and convicted in a court of law for crimes against the body, they'd be put away for life.  Forget that breath!

We went through some of our poses from previous weeks and I wasn't doing too bad.  Then we moved on to some new poses.  First up was the "Pigeon Pose."  I'll spare you the exact details.  Suffice it to say that you were supposed to have one leg out back behind you, one leg tucked in toward your body and your forehead on the mat in front of you, arms in front.  As the instructor came around making little adjustments to our postures, she asked me how it felt.

"It feels like hell," I said, "But don't mind me."  I looked at my friend groaning next to me.  "I'll never eat another pretzel," I whispered to her.  "I suddenly have a LOT of empathy towards them."

We tried another pose where you stand in a wide "V" and bend at the waist, put your hands on the ground and then your forehead on the mat. 

"Excuse me," I said, waving my hand (which was NOT on the mat).  "I could have sworn you just said put your forehead on the mat."

"Yes, I did," the instructor replied.  "Of course, that's the goal so you probably won't get to that point right away."

Uh-huh.....she took pity on me soon enough and came by with a block that I could put my hands on.  When she wasn't looking, I stood it on end to gain another four inches.  Every little bit helps.

Next pose was the Boat Pose.  Oh, boy.  I'm a retired Naval officer.  If I can't do something entitled "Boat", I'm not worthy of being called an Old Salt.  This should be a piece of cake.

Our instructor began the instruction on this by saying, "Now, I WILL tell you that when this pose is announced in classes, it is usually met with lots of groans."

Dang, this wasn't sounding as promising after all.  We got down on the mat in the Staff Pose, sitting with legs stretched out in front of us.  "Make sure you're firmly on your 'sitting bones' and feeling grounded," she said.

"Grounded?" I thought.  "This big ass isn't going anywhere.  Believe me, it's very grounded."

She showed us the pose (sort of like a crunch but with your legs off the ground and extended upward while your back is upright but leaning backward and your arms are pointing toward your feet.  Uh-huh!  There was a modified "half-boat pose" you could do where you bend your knees and can even support your legs a bit if you have to by gripping your thighs underneath.  Goodness knows, I was trying.  I figured that my arms hadn't come through for me so surely my stomach muscles (they had to be in there somewhere) ought to be good for something.

Our long-suffering instructor made the rounds again, checking on our progress.  As she came down to our end of the room, I cheerily called out, "Just consider this the 'Paddleboat' section of the class."

The Reverse Plank Pose was the next order of business.  Again we went into the Staff position and this time we were to put our hands slightly behind our hips on the mat and then point our toes and lift our torso into a straight line.  I huffed and I puffed but I seemed to be mightily grounded to my mat.  Apparently I had invented a new pose....."The Cement in the Booty" pose.

Finally it was time for Savasana, the Corpse Pose, the highlight of my every yoga class.  As I sank down into the mat and felt the tension and stress floating away, one final thought drifted through my consciousness.  "Gosh, I could use a donut!"

Related articles

• Say Om Not Ow: Injury-Free Yoga Tips (fitsugar.com)
• What's Wrong With This Picture: Om Edition (fitsugar.com)

Limber or Lumber

Image via Wikipedia I finally got up enough courage to sign up for a yoga class that began this month.  It's taken me a lot of years to get to this point.  Now I've long admired anyone who can pull off those skin-tight outfits (we used to call them "leotards" in my prepubescent ballet class days) with panache.  They're usually the same people who move with a cat-like grace and look like they haven't eaten a doughnut in years, let alone been tempted to devour an entire cake in one sitting.  I ain't one of 'em.

I guess what finally gave me the courage to get to a yoga classroom was the realization that living a long life isn't going to be all that great if I end up slumped in a wheelchair, too weak to support my weight because I've let my muscles atrophy like my almost 98-year-old mother.  It takes 3 nurses just to get her into her wheelchair or off and on a toilet now.

Image via WikipediaI found a yoga class that was billed as "An Introduction to Yoga."  It sounded perfect for me.  I wanted to ease into it slowly and not become so intimidated that I'd run for the nearest bakery at the first hint of challenge. 

Image via WikipediaMy first class wasn't so bad.  Most of the other class members were about as inexperienced as I was, although I DID appear to be the oldest in the group.  Our first pose was just to sit cross-legged on our mats, like those serene statues I'd seen pictures of.  Uh-huh!  I THINK I used to be able to do that but when I tried this time, my knees wouldn't come anywhere close to the floor and my ankles were screaming in protest.  Our instructor told us that we could grab a little round cushion, bolster, or blanket to sit on to get our hips up higher than our knees to correct our pose and make it more comfortable.  Most grabbed the cushions or blankets.  I headed straight for the thicker bolster and sat on that.  Hmmm, it was a little better but still uncomfortable.  I hoped it would get better over time. 

We did some breathing exercises.  I was pretty good at those.  I mean, how can you screw those up, right?  From those we went to a standing pose - the "Mountain Pose."  This was good....it was just standing tall with a little shoulder roll to loosen things up.  Hey, look at me.  I was doing yoga.  Whee!

We moved from this to a Standing Forward Bend.  I think our instructor told us to try to place our palms flat on the floor next to our feet.  I was too busy trying to figure out where to put my stomach.  My stomach won out and my palms never made it any further than mid-calf.

From there we got down on our mats on all fours to do the "Cat" and "Dog" pose.  No problem with those.  These were easy.  The other poses we've been learning since that first class have included the Downward Dog (think making your body into an inverted "v" - it ISN'T easy, especially if your arms aren't strong), the Warrior Pose (I LIKE this one.  Maybe it's my military background), the Extended Triangle (Groan....I was never very good at Geometry), and the Big Toe Pose (are you KIDDING me?  Could we go for the Fat Knee Pose and call it good?)

Our instructor also had us try the Lunge the other day.  We were supposed to get into that by going from a Downward Dog, then lifting one leg up high into the air (I had this sudden urge to look for a fire hydrant), and then walk that leg up between our hands.  Are you freaking kidding me?  My "walk" became a collapse and then a scramble on all fours to get into position.  I looked anything but graceful.  My muscles were still protesting from the whole leg in the air business.

Thank goodness that each class ends with the Corpse pose.  I'm REALLY good at that one.  In fact, I've actually started to doze off in that position.  This coming week will be the halfway point of our six-week class.  I keep telling myself that I'm getting limber.  Secretly, I'm more inclined to think that I'm about as limber as a piece of lumber.  I can only hope that this will be an asset when our instructor teaches us the Plank pose.

Related articles

• Go From Ouch to Ahh: Down Dog (fitsugar.com)
• Secrets For Your First Yoga Class (self.com)
• 4 Perks To Striking A Yoga Pose (huffingtonpost.com)