Yogi Bowling

 

I was only half kidding when I looked around the classroom today in yoga class and asked the instructor, "Did everyone hear that we were going to be doing some horrible poses today and that's why so few of us showed up?"  It was more likely because it was Columbus Day but then again......

After some warm-up breaths and Chandra Namaskara 1, or Salutation to the Moon, our instructor told us that we were going to be working today on balance poses.  Oh, oh!  Am I a klutz?  Yes!  Am I balanced?  Not on your life!

First she had us doing Warrior 3.  You get into Warrior pose, bend forward over the front leg, stick the other leg out behind you and put your arms straight out in front of you.  We tried it on our mats first.  Whoops, I was listing like an unstable Tower of Pisa and wham, I started to go over but made a remarkable recovery if I do say so myself, even if it DID involve some flapping of my arms and several circles to get myself back on the mat.

"Everyone take a block and put it next to a wall," our instructor suggested.  "Now put your foot right up along the wall and touching the block.  When you go into your Warrior Pose and then extend your leg, you can just hug the wall and focus on that block."

There was only one problem.  My foot couldn't be placed alongside the wall because I had about 8 inches of hip holding me away from the wall.  I think what I REALLY needed was a ballet barre placed directly in front of me.  Oy!

Next was the "Half Moon" pose.  Oh, my......if it only involved pulling my britches down a bit, that would be a piece of cake.  But no.....you have to form a triangle again with one leg up, one arm down on the mat, and one arm pointing skyward.  Sure.  This time around, when I lost my balance, I almost knocked over my neighbor.  I felt like I was bowling with my body.

"Why don't we all go into the Child's Pose and take some calming breaths," our teacher suggested.  Sounded good to me.

"Is there anything we should be doing if we stand up and the room is whirling and we're light-headed," a classmate asked, looking a little green around the gills.

"Oh, my," said our instructor.  "Definitely stay down on the mat.  I'd hate for you to pass out."
Since we were all down on the mat by now, we went into some back bend poses, the Bow Pose, and the Camel Pose.  No way could I reach my ankles or feet on that last pose so I just kept my hands on the small of my back.


Then we got to do some twists.  We did one called "Half Lord of the Fishes" and it didn't feel too bad in the modified version with one leg bent and placed on the outer edge of your other leg's thigh.  But when she suggested we try bending that other leg and putting the foot up against our bottom, well, forget it.  It wasn't happening.  I went back to the modified version.  Image via Wikipedia


"Now to increase the stretch, you can place your forearm on the outside of the bent knee.  If you can't do that, just hold your knee," our teacher demonstrated. Believe me, I was holding that knee for all she was worth.  I snuck a glance over at my friend.  Darn, not only was she able to bend both of her legs, but she also had her arm on the outside of the leg AND she was doing some sort of Buddha thing with her hand.  It looked quite Zen.  On the other hand, I was doing the "white-knuckle" thing with my hand.  It didn't look Zen but it did look stable.

Next week is our last class before she turns us loose on other teachers.  We'll be doing a Vinyasa Flow class (I'm hoping it will be greatly modified for beginners) and then she'll tell us about all the different classes available at the center.  Believe it or not, I'm looking forward to the class AND I'm definitely planning to find another class to join to continue my yoga journey.  I would imagine if our instructor is a praying woman, she is praying it won't be one of hers.

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Ole and Lena and Dad

 Image via Wikipedia

I was listening to a Garrison Keillor podcast the other day and he was telling some "Ole and Lena" jokes.  Now unless you are from the Midwest and probably older than 70 (or have parents who are in that age group), you might not be familiar with Ole and Lena.  Ole and Lena can be Norwegian, Finnish, or Swedish, depending on who is telling the joke, but suffice it to say that they are always Scandinavian. My dad grew up in Wisconsin and my mom was from Minnesota, prime Ole/Lena territory.

Dad had a large repertoire of these jokes but he usually only told them when we kids were in bed or out of the room.  You see, many of these jokes were a tad risque, at least to my young, tender ears.  Yet, I can remember him holding forth to the delight of aunts and uncles gathered out on the back lawn on the farm on hot summer nights.  I'd be hunkered down upstairs by an open window, straining to hear what was going on amidst the laughter.  Dad was a great storyteller.

Here's a nice, tame Ole and Lena joke for you:

Ole is in bed, dying.  He's incredibly ill and really on his last leg.  Then he smells the wonderful aroma of Lena's homemade rhubarb pie.  It's his favorite dessert.  He falls out of bed and crawls down the hallway to the kitchen, so weak that he has to literally drag his body since he can't even walk.

When he gets to the kitchen, there it is....a rhubarb pie cooling on the counter.  With his last bit of energy, Ole reaches up to grab a bit of that pie.  Just then, Lena glances over, sees him reaching for the pie and grabs a broom and starts beating him over the head with it.

"You leave that pie alone," she shouts.  "That's for the funeral."

So.......what jokes were part of your family gatherings?  Take a moment today to remember a few and let some laughter brighten your day.

Cursing for Charity

Back when our children were younger, one of their favorite relatives to come for a visit was their Aunt Maxine.  She was also one of my favorite aunts so I was delighted that they enjoyed her as much as I did.  Aunt Maxine was always a colorful person...a true original.  She was plain-spoken, loved to have fun, adventurous, could tell a great story, AND she cursed when she'd get mad.  That last attribute might seem a little out-of-place in a list of fine qualities but, for someone who grew up in a non-cursing environment, it was a true source of entertainment and fascination.

On one of her visits to our home, our children came up with a "system" to help her stop swearing.  They solemnly informed her that anytime she said a bad word in front of them, she would have to put a quarter in a jar that would then be divided up between the two of them at the end of her visit.  Maxine agreed and the kids went into "Swear Patrol" mode.

If we were out driving and someone cut her off in traffic, "#%$ @ those potlickers," Maxine would shout.

"Oh, oh.....Aunt Maxine, you need to put a quarter in the jar," the kids would shout.

"#@&#, you're right, your Aunt Maxine shouldn't have said those words," she'd reply, fishing for her purse to toss it into the backseat.  "Kids, find a quarter in there, would you?"

That's how it would go the entire visit and the children were noticeably richer by the end of her stay.  And now, I've discovered that there is actually an online "cussing jar" for people who are trying to kick the swearing habit.  In this internet age, it really shouldn't surprise me.  To sweeten the pot, all of the proceeds are donated to charity.  If you want to check it out, you can go to The Swear Jar .  Who knew that all those years ago, that old cussing jar would catch on for goodness?

Om, My Aching Knees!

It's another week and another yoga class.  The weather has turned cold here in Pennsylvania and my joints have been letting me know it.  So I wasn't exactly striding exuberantly into class today.  It was more a subdued shuffle.  Ouch!  Maybe some stretching and gentle posturing would help.

Our new "breath" today was one for warming you up.  Our teacher told us not to try it if we had sinus problems or were prone to hot flashes.  Hmmm, I'm the Queen of "flashes" and if my sinuses could be tried and convicted in a court of law for crimes against the body, they'd be put away for life.  Forget that breath!

We went through some of our poses from previous weeks and I wasn't doing too bad.  Then we moved on to some new poses.  First up was the "Pigeon Pose."  I'll spare you the exact details.  Suffice it to say that you were supposed to have one leg out back behind you, one leg tucked in toward your body and your forehead on the mat in front of you, arms in front.  As the instructor came around making little adjustments to our postures, she asked me how it felt.

"It feels like hell," I said, "But don't mind me."  I looked at my friend groaning next to me.  "I'll never eat another pretzel," I whispered to her.  "I suddenly have a LOT of empathy towards them."

We tried another pose where you stand in a wide "V" and bend at the waist, put your hands on the ground and then your forehead on the mat. 

"Excuse me," I said, waving my hand (which was NOT on the mat).  "I could have sworn you just said put your forehead on the mat."

"Yes, I did," the instructor replied.  "Of course, that's the goal so you probably won't get to that point right away."

Uh-huh.....she took pity on me soon enough and came by with a block that I could put my hands on.  When she wasn't looking, I stood it on end to gain another four inches.  Every little bit helps.

Next pose was the Boat Pose.  Oh, boy.  I'm a retired Naval officer.  If I can't do something entitled "Boat", I'm not worthy of being called an Old Salt.  This should be a piece of cake.

Our instructor began the instruction on this by saying, "Now, I WILL tell you that when this pose is announced in classes, it is usually met with lots of groans."

Dang, this wasn't sounding as promising after all.  We got down on the mat in the Staff Pose, sitting with legs stretched out in front of us.  "Make sure you're firmly on your 'sitting bones' and feeling grounded," she said.

"Grounded?" I thought.  "This big ass isn't going anywhere.  Believe me, it's very grounded."

She showed us the pose (sort of like a crunch but with your legs off the ground and extended upward while your back is upright but leaning backward and your arms are pointing toward your feet.  Uh-huh!  There was a modified "half-boat pose" you could do where you bend your knees and can even support your legs a bit if you have to by gripping your thighs underneath.  Goodness knows, I was trying.  I figured that my arms hadn't come through for me so surely my stomach muscles (they had to be in there somewhere) ought to be good for something.

Our long-suffering instructor made the rounds again, checking on our progress.  As she came down to our end of the room, I cheerily called out, "Just consider this the 'Paddleboat' section of the class."

The Reverse Plank Pose was the next order of business.  Again we went into the Staff position and this time we were to put our hands slightly behind our hips on the mat and then point our toes and lift our torso into a straight line.  I huffed and I puffed but I seemed to be mightily grounded to my mat.  Apparently I had invented a new pose....."The Cement in the Booty" pose.

Finally it was time for Savasana, the Corpse Pose, the highlight of my every yoga class.  As I sank down into the mat and felt the tension and stress floating away, one final thought drifted through my consciousness.  "Gosh, I could use a donut!"

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Lock Up Your Daughters: The Tower or Threat Approach

I was putting on my makeup this morning and listening to the radio, as is my usual routine, and heard the country song "Cleaning This Gun" by Rodney Atkins.  It's sung from the perspective of a father who is inviting a young man into his home who is getting ready to take the father's daughter out on a date.  It's a cute song and it got me to remembering one of the first times a young man came to OUR door to take out our daughter.  It really had seemed like only yesterday that she'd been just a bored, squirmy toddler.

I turned around and she was all legs and curls and playing dress-up and collecting My Little Ponies.  Boys were one of the last things on her mind.  That was fine by me.  I wasn't looking forward to her dating years. 

But time waits for no man (or mother) and soon she was a lovely young woman and young men were lined up.  The inevitable moment arrived when a gangly young fellow showed up at the door to take her out on a date.  My hubby showed remarkable restraint as he invited him in and spent some time talking to him before our daughter made her appearance.

As they walked to the door, he stepped aside to hold the door for her and let her through and as she walked out, I touched his arm to hold him back for a moment.  I whispered in his ear, "My husband is a lot nicer than I am.  If you do anything that you shouldn't with my daughter, I WILL kill you.  Do you understand?"    He looked a little green around the gills, nodded quickly and was out the door.

I was remembering all this as I listened to the song today.  I was thinking how there was a lot more I could have said.  I mean, I COULD have said, "I've been in the Army AND the Navy and you don't want to mess with my daughter because I know more ways to kill or maim a man than you can even imagine.  Have I made myself clear?"  Of course I would have never actually done anything, I don't think, but who knows?  Mothers can be pretty protective of their young.

Back to that song.....I was also thinking that my son better start thinking about this kind of situation now because that little Sweet Pea is going to grow up so fast it will make his head spin.  Since he's a pacifist, he can't very well be cleaning a gun when that first earnest young man shows up at his doorstep, but my boy's a writer.  Surely he can come up with some good one-liners.  And if he needs some help?  Hmmm, Nana, the Enforcer has a nice little ring to it, don't you think?

Like a Sugar Addict in a Bakery

The day I saw the announcement that Kindle owners could now join the ranks of ebook device owners who were borrowing ebooks from their local libraries, I headed (well, via the internet) straight to my local library to see if it was so.  The good news was that ebook borrowing WAS coming to my local library via my Kindle BUT Overdrive was still in the process of setting up the feature at libraries around the country and they didn't anticipate it would be available at my library until sometime in October.  Bummer!  However, I went ahead and let the rest of the family members in our "Kindle Family Group" know, in case their libraries already offered the service.

It wasn't long before my daughter-in-law emailed me to say that she had successfully borrowed a book electronically via her library in Texas.  I was feeling a little left-out until I did the proverbial slap on the head and thought to myself, "Hey, I can just borrow a library book on my Nook."  So I migrated back to my home library's website and noticed that there was now a graphic up there indicating the borrowing program for Kindle devices was apparently working.  Oh, boy....that was only 2 days after my initial peek at their system.

I decided that I'd poke around the e-holdings to see what was available and try borrowing something just to see how hard or easy it was.  Oh, my......I was amazed at how much was available.  Many of the bestsellers were "checked out" but you could place an electronic hold on a copy.  I know that library consortiums purchase licenses that dictate how many e-copies of a book can be checked out at one time.  Therefore, it makes sense that there would be a wait for more popular titles.  This might come as a surprise to some of you.  Many of my friends have told me that they just assumed if it was an e-copy, that it could be checked out by an unlimited number of borrowers and there would never be a wait again for popular titles.  Um.....wrong!  The good news is that you can place a "hold" on an ebook and when a copy is available and you are next in line, they notify you to check it out.

I settled on "7 Personality Types" by Elizabeth Puttick.  There was a copy available so I followed the steps to check it out (which were VERY self-explanatory) and then as a final step, it popped me over to Amazon's website where I had to check into my Amazon account and then tell it which Kindle to download it to.  The final step was to walk over to my Kindle, turn on the wireless, and within seconds the book appeared on my Kindle.  When I go up to my Amazon account again and click on "Manage My Kindle", the title is up there with the words "Public Library" next to it.

My library system has some video tutorials on how to use the Overdrive borrowing system but I found a great post on a fellow blogger's website this morning with two short videos that talk about borrowing on the Kindle and also how to return your library books early (if you finish before the borrowing period is up).  Here is the link to The Digital Reader .  Both videos were produced by libraries and should answer your questions.

I already have hundreds of books in my digital library and I've bought a good many of them.  Others have been free courtesy of Amazon and generous authors.  This new borrowing service opens up even more possibilities.  I feel like a kid in a candy shop.....a sugar addict let loose in a bakery and even better, it's fat-free!  Whee!

Incidentally, that personality book I checked out?  It's probably the most accurate book I've ever read for nailing my personality and I've read a LOT of books on personality types, including many on the Myers-Briggs model and the Enneagram model.  I'd highly recommend it.  Why not see if your library has an e-book copy of it to borrow? 

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Limber or Lumber

Image via Wikipedia I finally got up enough courage to sign up for a yoga class that began this month.  It's taken me a lot of years to get to this point.  Now I've long admired anyone who can pull off those skin-tight outfits (we used to call them "leotards" in my prepubescent ballet class days) with panache.  They're usually the same people who move with a cat-like grace and look like they haven't eaten a doughnut in years, let alone been tempted to devour an entire cake in one sitting.  I ain't one of 'em.

I guess what finally gave me the courage to get to a yoga classroom was the realization that living a long life isn't going to be all that great if I end up slumped in a wheelchair, too weak to support my weight because I've let my muscles atrophy like my almost 98-year-old mother.  It takes 3 nurses just to get her into her wheelchair or off and on a toilet now.

Image via WikipediaI found a yoga class that was billed as "An Introduction to Yoga."  It sounded perfect for me.  I wanted to ease into it slowly and not become so intimidated that I'd run for the nearest bakery at the first hint of challenge. 

Image via WikipediaMy first class wasn't so bad.  Most of the other class members were about as inexperienced as I was, although I DID appear to be the oldest in the group.  Our first pose was just to sit cross-legged on our mats, like those serene statues I'd seen pictures of.  Uh-huh!  I THINK I used to be able to do that but when I tried this time, my knees wouldn't come anywhere close to the floor and my ankles were screaming in protest.  Our instructor told us that we could grab a little round cushion, bolster, or blanket to sit on to get our hips up higher than our knees to correct our pose and make it more comfortable.  Most grabbed the cushions or blankets.  I headed straight for the thicker bolster and sat on that.  Hmmm, it was a little better but still uncomfortable.  I hoped it would get better over time. 

We did some breathing exercises.  I was pretty good at those.  I mean, how can you screw those up, right?  From those we went to a standing pose - the "Mountain Pose."  This was good....it was just standing tall with a little shoulder roll to loosen things up.  Hey, look at me.  I was doing yoga.  Whee!

We moved from this to a Standing Forward Bend.  I think our instructor told us to try to place our palms flat on the floor next to our feet.  I was too busy trying to figure out where to put my stomach.  My stomach won out and my palms never made it any further than mid-calf.

From there we got down on our mats on all fours to do the "Cat" and "Dog" pose.  No problem with those.  These were easy.  The other poses we've been learning since that first class have included the Downward Dog (think making your body into an inverted "v" - it ISN'T easy, especially if your arms aren't strong), the Warrior Pose (I LIKE this one.  Maybe it's my military background), the Extended Triangle (Groan....I was never very good at Geometry), and the Big Toe Pose (are you KIDDING me?  Could we go for the Fat Knee Pose and call it good?)

Our instructor also had us try the Lunge the other day.  We were supposed to get into that by going from a Downward Dog, then lifting one leg up high into the air (I had this sudden urge to look for a fire hydrant), and then walk that leg up between our hands.  Are you freaking kidding me?  My "walk" became a collapse and then a scramble on all fours to get into position.  I looked anything but graceful.  My muscles were still protesting from the whole leg in the air business.

Thank goodness that each class ends with the Corpse pose.  I'm REALLY good at that one.  In fact, I've actually started to doze off in that position.  This coming week will be the halfway point of our six-week class.  I keep telling myself that I'm getting limber.  Secretly, I'm more inclined to think that I'm about as limber as a piece of lumber.  I can only hope that this will be an asset when our instructor teaches us the Plank pose.

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One Take and Done

Back in my Army broadcasting days, I was known as "One Take Dee" because I almost always would nail a recording session in one take.  That trait continued during my stint in the Navy and on into civilian life.  If it required public speaking, I'd just show up and do it.  If it required any kind of sitting down in front of a microphone and reading an announcement, I didn't need ten tries to get it right.  Sit down, one take, and we were good to go.

That's why today was a little embarrassing.  I've been recording the audio for some short video presentations at our church.  I haven't even had to run my own soundboard.  Our Music Minister has been running it for me and also doing the video editing.  All I've had to do is show up, read the script into a microphone and head out.  Should be easy, right?  Today, though, it took two times to get it right.  Now, in my defense, we did some last-minute editing right before we recorded the audio.  There wasn't time to find a computer and make the changes and then reprint the script.  Instead, I had a bunch of tiny scribbles on my sheet of paper.

Maybe I'll just blame it on the fact that I was watching the premiere of Dancing with the Stars last evening.  I obviously must have had "two-steps" on the brain.  It can't be that I'm getting older or that these darn bifocals need adjusting.  Even with two takes, though, it felt good to be back behind a microphone.

Renegotiating the Laugh Lines

Back in my 20's, I used to tell people that I wasn't afraid of aging nor a few wrinkles.  I would say, "I hope I have laugh lines because that will mean that I've laughed a lot through life."  That became one of my mantras, right up there with ...."Heck, no....I'm not afraid to tell you how old I am.  I consider it a real blessing that I've made it THIS far."

I'm starting to rethink that first part of my aging philosophy though.  I mean, when I signed on for laugh lines, I was thinking of a few little lines heading out from the corner of my eyes.  Just a few to add some happy character to my face, you know?

I didn't know that they were going to extend out and around half my face, like cracks in a darn windshield or feathers in angels' wings, if you want to give them a more heavenly metaphor.  Goodness, I could provide an angel with its entire wingspan with the lines on this face.

And another thing!  Since when did the "saggy baggy elephant" come to live at my house?  I don't recall inviting that character inside.

I suppose the culprit is that I tend to be very expressive when I talk and when I laugh.  I use my whole face and my entire body.  Some well-preserved ladies advocate remaining physically "detached" when going through life.....trying not to move any more muscles in their faces than they have to in order to avoid wrinkles.  I guess I could try that but to me, I just look like I'm high on something.

Or I could try that "half-smile" thing where you sort of acknowledge the humor in a situation but not enough to crack a real smile.  It might gain me a month or two before another wrinkle sets in.

You know what?  Screw that!  I've earned every one of these wrinkles and I've had a great time getting them.  Laughter and life should both be approached with gusto.  Let others Botox themselves rigid.  At some point, those faces are going to melt and drop and maybe I'll be the wrinkled, chuckling lady mopping them off the floor.

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Moments That Change Us

 Image via Wikipedia

Today is 9-11, a day that is being remembered around this country in somber ceremonies, private reflection, prayers, and memorial services.  Most of us will be thinking back to what we were doing that day in 2001 when we first heard the news of a plane hitting the World Trade Center and the subsequent plane crashes.

On 9-11-2001, I drove into work like any other workday.  It was a particularly beautiful day here in Central PA.  I remember thinking how the sky was such a vivid blue and the words of the poem "October's Bright Blue Weather" came to mind.  Later that morning, as I sat at my desk at the college library, a co-worker rushed in to tell me that a plane had just crashed into the World Trade Center.  I ran down the hall to the break room and joined my other colleagues who were gathered round the TV watching the news report. 
Image via Wikipedia

As we watched, I noticed another jet coming in low on camera.  "They should be diverting air traffic near there," I thought to myself.  No sooner had I thought this when the second plane crashed into another tower.  There was silence in the room and on the TV for several seconds and then I said, "That couldn't have been an accident.  It's too much of a coincidence."



Events continued to unfold as the minutes ticked off and we watched in growing horror.  Smoke was now starting to pour out of the windows of the towers.  At that point, I couldn't watch any more.
For some reason, it was important to me to go through the motions of normalcy.  I headed back to my desk.  If nothing else, I could answer the phone since most of the rest of the staff were still in the breakroom.

It wasn't long before another co-worker stuck his head in my door and said, "Dee, I think you need to come see this.  The Pentagon has just been attacked."  He knew that when I had served in the Navy, one of the places I'd been stationed had been at the Navy Annex, sitting on the hill overlooking the Pentagon.

I ran down the hall and watched more images flash across the screen.  That was it for work that day.  For the rest of the day, we mainly stayed glue to the television, occasionally checking our phones for messages.

Image via WikipediaMy Sunday School teacher asked our class today if any of us had been personally impacted by 9-11.  I replied that I believed that anyone who had seen the images of that day was personally impacted by the events.  There will be no way you can get those out of your mind.  I still remember with absolute clarity what I was doing and what I thought the day President Kennedy was shot.  It will be the same with 9-11-01.

I remember thinking that I felt like part of my innocence died that day.  I had the same feeling when I was diagnosed with cancer.  I felt like my body had betrayed me by letting a deadly mass grow inside me unawares.  Now I felt like my country, that I had naively taken for granted was immune to enemy attack, was suddenly very vulnerable.
 
In the months immediately after that day, I drove my family crazy going over escape routes and rendezvous plans with them, should we need to suddenly evacuate the area without being able to first meet up together.  They thought I was nuts.  I thought I was being prepared.  I still have a big roll of heavy-duty plastic under a table downstairs, bottled water, canned goods, a battery-operated radio, flashlights, duct tape, and even an axe, in case Three Mile Island falls under attack and we have to seal ourselves in the basement against radioactive fallout.  Don't laugh!  Those were all recommended things to have on hand, recommended by our state branch of the Homeland Security Department.

To this day, I get very nervous if a low-flying plane goes overhead.  I wonder if it is heading towards our local nuclear power plant.  If I see unattended packages, bookbags, briefcases, or suitcases, I go and find someone in authority and report it.  I'm not taking any chances.  I can't watch reports about September 11 without getting up and walking away in tears.  Too much suffering....too many needless deaths.

What were YOU doing on September 11, 2001?  How has it changed you?

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Either "Pressure Me" or Beam Me Up

Image via WikipediaIt was just my luck that my semi-annual appointment with the allergist was today, right in the midst of my recovery from a sinus infection, ear infection, and bronchitis.  At least he had some fun things to look at.  Things were going well.  I'd suffered through the weigh-in (hate those) and breathed through the spirometer for the lung function test without passing out.  I DID sound like a car that needed a tune-up during that last test.  The nurse tried to reassure me by saying, "I think those noises were just your vocal chords."  Uh-huh!


The doctor came in and looked me over and assured me that my lungs were sounding better but my ears were still suspect.  He wanted to have the pressure checked in them and then reassess my treatment.  OK.

Image by DdR` via Flickr
Soon the nurse entered with a portable tympanometer.  It wasn't like the one pictured at the right.  It was a portable device and it looked like a stun gun from a Star Trek episode.  She also brought two other nurses to observe her do the test.  I must have looked a little startled because she assured me that she wasn't going to "shoot me."

"Hey, I was more worried that you might be planning to transport me to the next galaxy with that thing," I laughed.

After much fiddling around trying to get the correct test to show up on the little screen, she put it in my good ear and pushed a button.  I felt a little vibration but that was it.

"Oh, oh....that's not right," she said to the other nurses.
Now since the last time I heard those words I was laying on a slab in the middle of a bone scan after being diagnosed with breast cancer and the jokers who said it were clustered around a screen,  I'm a mite touchy about medical people saying things like that near me.  Turns out in the bone scan case, the technicians were talking about a faulty piece of equipment but they neglected to tell me that until after they'd scared the bejeebers out of me.

"Um, are we talking about the equipment or my hearing?" I asked.

"Oh, no, no, no....just the equipment.  It doesn't seem to be registering correctly," she assured me.

She tried it again....and again....and again.   By the time she had tried it 6 times in each ear, she gave up and went off to find the doctor.  I was starting to feel like heading off to the Outer Nebula might have been easier.

She came back in one more time.  "Could you get off the examining table and sit in a chair at my level," she asked.  "I think it might make a difference."

I did and it did and this time she got a successful reading.  Eureka!  I had fluid in BOTH ears.  Must have been all that coughing I've been doing that has moved the fluid from lungs to ears.

"Just keep on using all the medications your family doctor prescribed," my allergist advised.  "And use your nasal spray.  That should help with the ears."

Okey, dokey!  Beam me out, Scotty!  Mission accomplished.

Related articles

• What's the difference between bronchitis and a chest cold? (zocdoc.com)
• Getting to the Root of Ear Infections (everydayhealth.com)
• My ear is clogged. Should I get antibiotics? (cnn.com)

This is the Way We Wash Our Hands

Image via Wikipedia

I came back from our Texas vacation with a cold which quickly became a sinus infection, an ear infection, and bronchitis.  If you've been following our vacation adventures, you know that the whole family in Texas succumbed to illness one-by-one and I was the last to bite the dust.  I REALLY thought I might escape it but didn't.  One of the things I was doing to try to stay healthy was a LOT of hand-washing.

Image via Wikipedia

Now that I'm back home and recuperating with lots of time on my hands between coughs and nose-blowing, I thought it might be helpful to review just how we're supposed to wash our hands to avoid illness.  It's pretty basic stuff but you'd be amazed how tricky it can be in the course of the average day to be diligent in keeping those hands clean.

So when should we wash our hands?  Most of this is common sense but let's have a quick review, ok?
You should wash your hands:

1.  Before you eat
2.  After you've handled raw meat or eggs
3.  After you've been around someone who is sick
4.  Before visiting with someone whose immune system might be compromised, including the elderly
5.  After going to the toilet
6.  Before preparing food
7.  After you blow your nose, if you can get to a faucet
8.  Anytime you have touched something "yucky" - use your own judgement here, like after changing a diaper, etc..Image via Wikipedia

I also like to wash my hands if I've been out in public, shopping or going in and out of public places where I've had to open a lot of doors or touch escalators, elevator buttons, etc.  And that's the rub, isn't it?  We touch so many surfaces in the course of a day that your hands would be rubbed raw from washing them if we tried to keep them totally clean.  That's why many people now carry antibacterial handwash or wipes with them for a quick wipe-down when they are out and about.  It's also why the next little tip is very important.

TIP:  Try to avoid touching your eyes, nose, and mouth as much as possible.  These are three areas through which germs can easily gain access to our bodies.  It's also something that we do almost unconsciously throughout the day.

Image via WikipediaHow should you wash your hands?
1.  Use warm running water whenever possible.  Wet your hands under the water.

2.  Lather your hands with bar soap or liquid soap.

3.  Now work that lather over your hand surfaces for between 15-20 seconds - that's about as long as it would take you to mentally hum the "Happy Birthday" song or the "Alphabet Song."

4.  When you are lathering your hands, work the soap lather on both the front and back surfaces of each hand, between each finger (including between your thumb and palm), work it under your fingernails, and up to your wrists.

5.  Rinse your hands under the running water and then dry your hands with a clean towel - disposable paper towels are preferable.  But wait.....how did you turn off that faucet?  Did you use your hand?  Think of all the people who touched that faucet.  You're back to Square One, my friend.  You should always try to turn off the water faucet with a paper towel.

6.  Now head on out and if you have to open a restroom door, try to use a paper towel, your elbow, or a forearm, rather than those clean hands.

It's a hostile environment out there with germs lurking everywhere.  Follow these tips and try to stay well, my friends.  Now if you'll excuse me, I'm off to find another tissue.

Related articles

• Wash Those Hands! (nlm.nih.gov)
• Did you wash your hands? (agallantidea.wordpress.com)
• Just Wash Your Hands of It! (rjwh617dotcom.wordpress.com)